I notice that whenever I hear the drumbeat of transformation, the call of the Old becomes louder and louder. Whether it’s a relationship I know I don’t need, or a piece of clothing I know I don’t need, the reflex is the same, I want/need/have to indulge. The attraction comes from knowing that where I am going I will have no use for these. If I engage with the old habits, then maybe I can delude myself a little longer into thinking that radical change is not coming to this house.
I fight harder for what I don’t want than for what I want. Then, one day, the object of desire becomes irrelevant. Just like that.